In a Lull..

I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I am leaving.
Mixed feelings of apprehension and content are lurking.
I see myself wandering around the house, lazing as much as I can.
This journey will be taking much of my energy and peace;
I need to make it last for the couple of days I have left.
Meeting with an old friend made me realize how this island has a castrating core of narrow sighted self-centred action towards people.
Meaning, this is not the place for me. I’m still lost, but I know where I don’t want to be.
I feel a void inside of me, I try filling it with comfort and affection but it doesn’t seem to ease.

Should I look for someone or for something?

On a quest...

Less than one week from my departure, anxiety runs low; “last minute” preparations make me abstract from the journey that awaits me.
I already find myself saying goodbye to daily routines, subjects and images. I wish I could say goodbye to all of those I will truly miss in a proper way, but I can’t help fearing that my emerging emotions will bring me down. I’m not into “goodbyes”.
Winter semester is over, no subjects behind, that should put a smile on my face… but it really doesn’t.
Unfortunately, studying for this examination period was quite an effortless act, thus no sense of pride and achievement could ever come out of it.
These last months I have been quite restless, can’t seem to find my role in life, I’ve been living without ambitions, goals, interests, passion…without a soothing sense of existence.

I hope this turns out to be a life changing experience.